What Died?, Don't Touch It, Now Go Wash Your Hands

I have worked and trained in many different gyms and health clubs for half my life. The setting, the equipment and the members may be different, but there is always one constant, the smell. The second you enter some gyms the stench of bacteria and germs swimming in pools of sweat, and taking refuge in sweaty towels and clothing enters your nostrils and rips through your respiratory system like the smell of road kill on a hot summer's day. If smell is the strongest sense tied to memory, then there are people I have met in gyms that I will never forget. Aromatic assault should be labeled a crime punishable by death, perhaps a pool of boiling bubble bath. I'm sure there has to be a right to fresh-air law on the books that deals with this sort of thing.

If you take an aerobic class that was preceded by one or more classes, you better have a military-issued gas mask with you. Two dozen or more people exercising in an enclosed area does not make for a bed of roses. It smells more like changing time at a child day-care center. Also beware of the puddles of sweat that have been conveniently left on the aerobic floor for you to slip and fall in.

The worst situation is the person who comes to the gym already stinking to high hell. By the time they finish their workout the funk coming from their body is at Def Com 5. Do these people not smell themselves? Why would you leave the house smelling like that? These are the people that smell so bad, you don't even want to stand in the same area they are in. After they vacate the premises you can still sense their looming scent. You see people looking around and sniffing trying to figure out where the smell of dead fish is coming from.

I think at the end of every gym membership contract should be a disclaimer in bold print that reads air quality not included.